The Ending, Middle and Beginning of Change

Change has a particular lifecycle of phases that shouldn't be skipped.

One change model that many people use is William Bridges' three phases of change: this says every change has an ending, a middle, and a beginning.

Ending: this is the first phase in the process, i.e. it's the ending of whatever came before the change. It's the process of moving away from what the situation was before the change was needed. Whatever the new change is and no matter how good it is expected to be, or how much it is anticipated, there were always good things in the old and people like to hang on to what they know and love (even if it has a lot of flaws! It's the familiarity that they love. To some extent, every ending is seen as a little death, and requires the same process as Big Death. Time must be taken to grieve, and to go through the stages of grieving.

Beginning: This is the start of the new. It is the integration of the new into our way of being, and ourselves into the new order.

Middle: Before you can get to the new, you have to go through a the transition - the middle phase, or, as William Bridges calls it, ' The Neutral Zone.' This is a place of healing, a place of taking stock and being sure you know what your place is in the new order before you march off. It's where we learn about the new way, and about ourselves in relation to the new way. In this zone, people find their new path in the changed landscape of the organisation. They are finding what works and what doesn't, what they care about, what they have energy for and where they can best apply that energy. The Neutral Zone isn't easy. There are many challenges to overcome and a lot of doubt or resistance. I've also heard it called 'the swamp', a place where you don't want to get stuck - you want to get through it as quickly as possible.

However, what is important is that you work at the pace that fits the place and your place in it, to know the work that needs to be done and to do it steadily but not in a rush, to keep moving but at a pace that lets you learn from what you pass. It's about finding the right balance of needs.

There is a teaching poem from the Northwest Native American tradition that can be related to the 'Neutral Zone, which was used to answer the question, "What do I do when I am lost in the forest?" - as the cedar forests of the Pacific Northwest of North America are so thick that, 200 yards into the forest, there is nothing to see but green, not even the sky above.

The poem was used to teach children how to act when lost in the forest. However, it can also be applied to anyone who is in a place where we have never been before and must find our way.

The poem says that if you are lost in the forest the best thing you can do is ' stand still'. The trees ahead and the bushes beside you are not lost. Wherever you are is 'here', and you must treat it as a powerful stranger. You must ask permission to know it and be known. The peom says to listen to the forest whispering:

"I have made this place around you that, leaving it, you may come back, saying 'here.'

Are any two trees are the same to raven?

Are any two branches are the same to wren?

If what trees do and branches do is lost on you then you are truly lost.

Stand still.

The forest knows where you are.

You must let it find you."

And this is likened to the Neutral Zone, but it isn't a place of total inactivity because you are listening to the forest breathe, you are coming to know the place around you, you are observing what trees and bushes and branches and ravens and wrens are doing. But you are not running off blindly in a show of conspicuous activity. You are waiting, in the moment, with beginner's mind, until wisdom comes.

Only when we have completed this process are we ready for the beginning phase of the change: the integration of what we have learned in the Neutral Zone into what we do and what we are.

At Quantum Coaching and Consulting Limited we facilitate change by working with people to help them first identify the change they want and then to help them through the change process.

http://www.qccgroup.com/

How have you made someone feel today?

Saw this today & certainly paused for thought…

It’s always good for the soul to reflect on helping others…


“I pulled my cab up to the curb and sounded the horn. No one came to the door.

So I walked to the door and knocked. ‘Just a minute’, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90’s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it like somebody out of a 1940s movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knick-knacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

‘Would you carry my bag out to the car?’ she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. ‘It’s nothing’, I told her. ‘I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated’.

‘Oh, you’re such a good boy’, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, ‘Could you drive through town?’

‘It’s not the shortest way,’ I answered quickly.

‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice’.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. ‘I don’t have any family left,’ she continued. ‘The doctor says I don’t have very long.’

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

‘What route would you like me to take?’ I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newly-weds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she’d ask me to slow down in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, ‘I’m tired. Let’s go now.’

We drove in silence to the address she had given me.It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

‘How much do I owe you?’ she asked, reaching into her purse.

‘Nothing,’ I said.

‘You have to make a living,’ she answered.

‘There are other passengers,’ I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. ‘You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?

What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID,

~BUT~

THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance."